baby, baby, baby

Glory

Jay-Z wrote this rap ode after the birth of his and Beyoncé's baby girl. I find that incredibly sweet - his voice sounds like the exhausted but exulted doting dad he will probably be. But what I find really remarkable, powerful, and brave are his references to their prior miscarriage. As common as miscarriages are, no one, celebrities especially, likes to talk about them. And so most people don't. It remains one of those sad, dark secrets that only comes out in one-on-one conversations with a girlfriend, or during a check up with a new doctor. Otherwise, an event that, for anyone who has had one, marks a woman and her partner indelibly, becomes taboo, too painful to bring up, and too difficult to ask about. Yes, I think that sometimes it's just as hard for people to listen and respond sensitively to the tragedy of a lost baby as it is to bring the event up in the first place.

Having been through two miscarriages, I can now talk about both of them without crying. Well, usually. It depends on the person listening. Writing this post, I do feel a bit raw, remembering the nauseating discomfort of explaining why I was no longer expecting to some people. Wanting both to erase the truth and to vomit all the details, emotions, worries, up and out of me, so it wouldn't rot and fester inside.

So. I'm so thankful to and proud of artists, celebrities, friends, everyday people who share their story(ies) of miscarriage. It transforms a traumatic, often isolating personal tragedy into something more shared, more common, and easier to move/live through.

Comments

Kate Warthen said…
Thanks for the reminder, dear daughter. One of those tragic life events that only those who have experienced it can ever truly understand..but it is good to let others know, as a reminder - that it is so much more than what it appears from the outside.
R-M said…
I missed this post as I skimmed through your January musings...and I have to say when I heard the reference in Glory (culminating with "but, nah, baby, you magic")...I thought of many women, you among them, who might find some small comfort in someone giving voice to both the joy and the pain of the new birth and the long road leading to it. Thank you for giving it voice, too, in your lyrical prose.
Aralena said…
And I thank both of you amazing women for being such incredible, strong, dependable supportive sources of love and listening when I was going through it.

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